forgetting, and then remembering.

4 months.
ya know how sometimes you just forget things.

like where you put your keys,
or a certain conversation.

sometimes i forget what's happened.
I forget what God brought to my doorstep 4 months ago.
I forget the sound of a voice.
I forget that he's gone.

and then during a casual conversation, I remember.
and i always forget how bad remembering hurts.


Maybe nobody wants to read about it, that's fine, and I don't really care, cause it's real and it's where I'm at.
Long stretches of great, amazing days, with occasional random remembrances, which feel like a swift kick to the gonads.

We watched a documentary that will be presented on PBS about First Descents.
I got to see Nick, and for the first time since he said goodbye to me, I heard his voice.

and I remembered.
I remembered his smile, and the sound of his laugh and...i heard his voice. You cannot imagine how strange and wonderful it was.

One day I'll change the background on my desktop to a picture that doesn't include me and Nick, and one day I'll get married and Nick won't be there, and one day will pass when I don't think about him at all.

Yeah,
Losing Nick was hard,

But the way he taught me to look at life is an unmeasurable gift that is permanent