Okay, like every other white girl in America I was raised to be terrified of 2 things: 1. bad guys, and 2. toxic shock syndrome (that is the most true thing you'll read all day, because I'm not sure what boys maturation class was like....but maturation taught girls that tampons would poison & kill us and weineys would ruin our lives) so while I am terrified of bad guys and TSS I also picked up another childhood fear: crashing anything motorized that didn't have airbags. This includes 4 wheelers, scooters, and dirt bikes, basically anything without a 5-star crash test rating.
I arrived in Key West one week ago, my manager picked us up from the airport and drove us a whole 2 minutes to our apartment, as we pull into the parking lot he points out the passenger side as we get out & casually says "those are your scooters, here are the keys, any questions?" HI, UM! YEAH! EXCUSE ME! TEACH ME HOW TO NOT DIE A FIERY DEATH.
What came out of my mouth was something calm and educated, "nope, just show me where the gas tank is?" he showed us and drove away, leaving me holding a key and a death reel of fiery crashes and road rash playing over and over in my head.
I also had a throwback memory to when a boy tried to teach me how to drive a scooter on a date and I almost crashed into trees 3 different times. OKAY SORRY. DON'T STRADDLE ME FROM BEHIND AND ASK ME TO OPERATE A MOTORIZED VEHICLE THAT I'VE BEEN TERRIFIED OF SINCE MY CHILDHOOD.
Such sweaty, full panic.
Obvi I did the adult thing & ignored the problem until the next day.
I'm trying to be an adult and so I swallowed my monster of a fear & did a few laps around the parking lot before I felt confident enough to put my new roomie Abby (cutest girl) on the back & take the thing on the 25 minute drive to work. We didn't die. I can do hard things.
The end.
Just kidding.
fast forward 24 hours later I was the Michael Jordan of scooter riding. I conquered one of my fears in a matter of 1 day & I hadn't crashed & taxis had stopped honking at me to go faster. I owned the world you guys.
I even got so proud that I sent a text that said "I AM NO LONGER AFRAID OF THE SCOOTER, I CAN DO HARD THINGS"
I am such a fool.
Later that night I feel so confident in scooter operation and handling that I started offering classes to Shaelie & Shelbie (such wonderful human beings)
Shaelie decides to drive home from the store so I hop on the back, and she's doing great until we pass the turn to our apartment and have to flip around.
We pull into a hotel and follow the curved pull-in around so we can take a left.
Let me tell you something about scooters, it gets tricky when you have to stop, because you have to put your foot down so you don't tip the thing.
Let me tell you something about being 5'1".
You have the legs of a 3 year old.
Let me tell you something about having 2 girls that are both 5'1" on a scooter when it stops.
LEVEL HARD.
So Shaelie stops, and being short her tiptoes barely touch the ground, so she puts one foot down and bounces off that foot, sending the scooter tipping the other way. Naturally she puts her other foot down, and we bounce off that one too. We're teetering back and forth as she bounces off each foot and tries to keep the scooter (which is HEAVY) upright, with my weight on the back.
We're a damn circus performance at this point...
Back to me.
Dying of a panic attack on the back of the scooter:
I'm sitting on the back and every fear I've ever had in my life is about to come true, because with each teeter and bouncing side to side, I get closer to the ground.
Suddenly we can't teeter any more and all the momentum of going back and forth finally catches up to us.
I get bucked off the back of the scooter onto my ass, everything in the basket goes rolling around the driveway, and the scooter is on it's side.
I can't even.
I literally have no words to describe it any other way.
My hands didn't even catch myself you guys. Like, flew off the back and landed straight on my butt. Shoutout to my tailbone for catchin me tho.
The ultimate story of rock bottom. 2 hours ago I was boasting my abilities & now I am writhing on the ground & can't breathe because tailbone + momentum + all body weight, hurt really bad.
I am sure this is the most entertaining thing that everyone inside that hotel lobby had ever seen.
I sit up and I want to puke because I am so terrified. Now that I know that all my childhood fears weren't irrational & this stupid scooter really could cause serious road rash/fiery death there is no way in hell I am getting back on that thing. After telling Shaelie I didn't trust her with my life, I got back on & let her drive me home. I lived, & it's like:
This is a true story of triumph,
I mastered the scooter.
I hit rock bottom.
I hit my ass.
I conquered my fear.
I can do hard things.
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