herro cuddling season. & nathan scott does not exist.

three very important things have come to my attention this weekend.
snow.
holidays are coming.
it's almost december.

the following is a chart based on month and fun in logan.

december-january is the all time low.
everyone is paired up.

that's right friends. HERRO CUDDLING SEASON.
it's here. in a big, bad way.

it's actually a vicious cycle.

Since we've been in school for about 3 months, people have pretty much paired up and are lovin cuddling all day errrday.
Some of us...are not paired up.
some of us don't even have the option of a sweetbro tool-y to call over.
then it gets cold, real cold.
then holidays come.
and some of us...are still not paired up.
in times like these i'd even consider resting my head on an ed hardy covered chest.

so in our boredom of not having things to do on some nights, we do the one thing that leads to our ultimate demise.
we go to hastings and get one tree hill.

this is the worst thing we could possibly do because the men in our real, everyday lives, never live up to those men on One Tree Hill.

Difference:
in real life there are zero perfectly worded speeches on how much he loves you
in real life, he WILL NOT go to the ends of the earth and almost die to show you his love.
in real life, boys do not have perfect bodies and offer you the hottest makeout sessions in the rain, in a swimming pool, or on top of the hood of a car.
In real life, nathan scott does not exist. you will not marry a man that plays in the NBA.

logan boys, where are you?
why are we not cuddling?
I'm confused...

because there definitely seems to be an increase in happy couples around.
plus a decrease in social activities.
means there should be a huge surplus of cuddle invitation text-icles.


...
so we go to hastings. dressed in the usual sweats and tall t's (you can judge me, it's fine).
and of course, as we turn down the aisle we see the cutest couple to grace logan, and both individuals look at us as if they are REALLY concerned about our well being.
okay, well uhh, yeah.
of course i'm non showered.
of course i've got stains on my shirt.
of course I'm wearing a shirt that's 6 sizes too big, from my high school, that i got my sophomore year.
of course my hair is in a messy bun and i have a half eaten kit kat in my hand.
of course my mascara has been left on for a questionable amount of time.
Of course my sweats are huge and make me look way more overweight than necessary.

it's fine, nathan scott doesn't care what i look like.

ohhh wait, logan boys, is this why we're not dating?
stop it, i'd at least put on fresh mascara for you.

Um what? me, non-showered, in sweats and a tall t is probably the most attractive thing you'll ever see. i even shock myself sometimes with how hot I look on One Tree Hill nights.

it's not okay. because the longer we don't have cuddle buddies, the longer this happens, and the longer i stare at nathan scott all night. umm, yeah i know. the good news is we're on season seven disk 5. one more disk and we're donezo with One Tree Hill, then we're on the prowl.

One tree hill is ruining our lives!!!

apocalyptic survivor.

as a child, I was terrified of 3 things:
1. that I was switched at birth, and one day my real family would come and switch me with the REAL Caitlin Anderson (This is a direct cause of watching Lifetime movies).
2. the beast doll from my Beauty and the Beast Barbie set.
3. Earthquakes.

My fear of Earthquakes stemmed from my father tirelessly trying my whole life to prepare me for the apocalypse.

I have an "emergency" kit in my trunk, i use the term emergency very loosely, because the supplies in this kit don't include things like jumper cables (which i would think would classify as an emergency tool) it includes survival necessities like food, water, a coat, snow boots, duct tape, paper towels, toilet paper, and enough feminine hygiene products to last the rest of my life. Judging by the contents of my emergency kit, my dad thinks an "emergency" is an apocalyptic blizzard, which will bury me for days, during the worst "time of the month" I've ever had.

age 10.
Being the prepared man he always is, my father thought about what would happen if a giant earthquake struck and our house happened to be at the epicenter, and all forms of technology were destroyed, and he died.

He takes me out into the backyard, walks me around the house and shows me how to turn off the gas line.

then we walk over to a small pile of grass and dry leaves, where he kneels down and hits 2 rocks together. he then looks at me and says
"if there's a giant earthquake, and I die, this is how you make a fire to survive"
then he says "don't come inside until you start a fire"

Number 1. This is the first time my father has presented to me the fact that he is mortal, and could die.
Number 2. I'm 10, so my imagination is pretty vivid.
All of a sudden I'm transported into a world where God chose me to be a survivor of the biggest earthquake the world has ever seen. My father is dead, and despite the fact that I'm devastated by his death, I have to focus, because I'm left to keep my mom and brother alive, and the only way to do this is to make FIRE




it's not working, the rocks aren't creating enough spark to get a fire going, and the little bit of smoke i do create, i end up blowing out in an attempt to spread the tiny flame. I get frustrated, knowing that if i don't get this fire started my family will DIE.



I don't know how long i was out there trying to create a fire, but I was undoubtedly going to fail. This concerned me, for the following reason: Failure meant that my whole family would die, and I'd be left alone to fend for myself in the unforgiving post-apocalyptic earthquake world with nobody to take care of me. I was 10. This thought was upsetting. Up until that point in my life, the world was made up of rainbows and superheros and fluffy things. The most destruction I had witnessed was on an episode of power rangers, and I was entirely too focused on how hot Tommy (the white ranger) was and how badly i wanted to be Kimberly (pink ranger) to know what was happening in the story line, and even if the world was going to end, it was solved in a matter of 30 minutes.

Reality hit me like a brick to the face.
Within the next 24 hours an earthquake would undoubtedly kill my family, leaving me alone.

I went inside, giving up on the fire, and accepting my fate.

To this day, whenever i hear the emergency test sound on the radio, i have a tiny panic attack because i know, that 10 years later, that apocalyptic earthquake my dad told me about is coming and I will die a long, drawn out death, because i cannot start a fire with grass, dead leaves, and two rocks.



I am not an apocalyptic survivor.

A series of unfortunate events

this is the terrible story of true events that occurred between 1:00 am on July 31st and 5:00am August 1st.

this story features:
skyler parkhurst:



Kylie Suarez:




1:00 am
skyler gets a great idea:


it took about 5 minutes of "skyler convincing" for the 9 of us to finally agree.
we drive to sandy, park and walk to the trail head. here's a very poor depiction of what it looked like, it was pitch dark, and despite the fact that in this portrait the trail looks very well lit, it was not.



Suddenly the nice trail turns into huge steps. Luckily I wore tight skinny jeans that didn't allow my legs to move more than 11 inches apart. this is where my struggle begins, little did i know that ten minutes later i'd be willing to cut off my left arm to see steps like these again. Like an idiot, i follow my fearless leader. I'm determined to show that I can be good at climbing a mountain



Those huge steps end. I don't know who formed this "trail" but they forgot to finish. I realize now, that whoever created it probably realized that this mountain was an effin cliff and it wasn't worth it to continue building a trail. I digress, and Like an idiot, i follow my fearless leader, desperately wanting to succeed in being good at climbing mountains to show that I enjoy outdoor activities.



the rest happened very quickly, Kylie and I are trying to look normal (unsuccessfully) whilst attempting to scale a side of a mountain by grasping and climbing over rocks/boulders. I suddenly turn into my most hated thing in the whole world: a whiny girl. It was as if i couldn't control what was coming out of my mouth, i begin complaining. I suddenly realize I may be losing the battle with the mountain


at the exact same time my body realizes that i do in fact, have asthma, a disease which causes me not to be able to breathe, and i begin to have trouble getting air into my lungs.


I break out into a dead sweat. I work out quite frequently, however, it soon becomes obvious that my body is not prepared to climb up a mountain, especially in skinny jeans. After announcing that I can't breathe, everyone decides I'm being a huge baby and that I need to continue on. I am undoubtedly going to lose this battle. Not only has this mountain completely pwned me, I am quite sure I'm going to die on some god forsaken cliff.

Please imagine for a second that you are suffering an asthma attack, sweating, and trying to heave your body weight over rocks and boulders while wearing skinny jeans and trying not to look like a complete idiot when you see that the very rocks and boulders you're struggling to climb up, end.


let me give you a close up:


at this point, I'm really concerned that kylie and i seem to be the only two struggling climbing up this "mountain". there's no way I'm going to survive.
we finally reach a point where the cliff will not allow us to continue any farther. we look at the view:


there's no possible way to go down the way we came, so we decide to go a different way, i like to call it the "loose gravel and huge boulders that aren't stable enough to hold your body weight" route.
it's definitely a straight shot down the mountain, with no stable place to put my feet I decided it's a good idea to slide down, on my butt.

Reasons this was not a good idea:
1. it's pitch dark, and i cannot see large rocks
2. it's pitch dark, and i can't read the depth of the drop-offs very well.
3. I was sliding on nothing but loose rocks
4. In order to slow down/stop i had to grasp wildly at what was around me including but not limited to, branches, larger rocks, sides of the cliff, and trees.



really, the only reason i survived is because I was constantly making Skyler, Jesse, or Bowser "Catch Me" as i was rolling down the cliff. This is how you know you're a man, when a girl yells "shoot! catch me!" as she's falling down a mountain, and you do it without laughing and/or complaining that you just acquired 115 lbs of extra body weight to be responsible for.
3:00 am
Finally, and surprisingly, we make it down the mountain, and to my car, where i take my inhaler and realize that i'm going to survive. I look at my battle wounds, i feel like i have scrapes all over my body, but there are no visible wounds. I'm furious i have nothing good to show for the pain i'm in.

Then Skyler says something that will haunt me for the rest of my life:


Kylie and I both say "okay" and get in the car, we backtrack all the way to Layton to get some stuff:


4:50 Am
we Pull out of Skyler's driveway and begin our drive to St. George


I sleep in shotgun the entire way, being woken up a few times by skyler serenading me with Garth Brooks.

10:00 Am
We arrive in St. george, mind you none of us have showered from our hike/near death experience. I'm nastay to say the least.
swim swam for a few hours, sleep for a few hours, wake up and drive to the blessed town of Mesquite, NV for a little buffet action.
while walking through a casino, skyler is stopped by an old man who says
"how did attractive guys like you get hooked up with such ugly girls?"
then i continued to make my way to the buffet where i ate my feelings, we also receive the call that we need to get our stuff out of the house in st g.
so we go back to st. g
clean up the house and pack our stuff
leave the house

11:40 Pm
we begin our journey home, laughing at our misfortune.

5:00 am
we arrive in Layton, and when we think nothing worse could go wrong with our trip, Skyler steps one foot outside of the car, it starts pouring rain, while he has to move all the bags from my trunk into another car.
I drive home and sleep off my hangover of spending the last 24 hours fighting death, driving, or stuffing my face.

I'm almost positive that Saturday took 2 years off my lifespan.

this is why skyler parkhurst will never talk me into anything ever again.

why i suck at being a girl: part 1, my affair with couch

right now i'm unbearably bitter that i'm not on the fun bus to Wendover.
i just ran around the house at top speed getting ready to go so i wouldn't be late. this is reason #1 why i suck at being a girl.

usually my plans start off great and i have a schedule mentally prepared for when I'm going to start getting ready for the night. Despite my history of failure I'm always unusually optimistic about being ready on time.

I am never prepared for the s*** show that hits me in the face.
I'm unsuspecting at first, just walking into the living room to get my purse, when I'm greeted with this:


and I know it's been a while since i had a good bonding session with couch, so I start to feel guilty that i haven't napped with couch in over 2 months. so then I'm all:

and i run to couch like we're long lost lovers who somehow are both the only survivors of the apocalypse and are now destined to repopulate the world with couch babies. then this happens:


and i lay on couch and forget about clock. then clock gets all up in mine & couches grill & is like "stop"

and i'm all embarrassed i got caught with couch, so then i sullenly walk into my bedroom to choose an outfit and i get the 3rd degree from bed:

and i'm all "we have bigger problems on our hands" because i now have 2 minutes to get ready.
then i'm all:


then i'm all sweaty because i just ran a mother flippin obstacle course around my house trying to get ready in world record time and then I lay down with in the hallway under the air conditioner with my pants unzipped and my shirt pulled over my head because suddenly my house is 154 degrees,

and despite all my efforts, it always turns out like this:

this post contains profanity. a lot.

things people have been saying to me.

"I'M GOING POTTTTTTTTTTY" --6 year old boy at Raptors screaming at the top of his lungs.

hey, did you guys know that the general admission section of Ogden Raptors is currently producing the classiest people in America? As seen below.



that little bit of a face to the right, is me, smiling because these two are the cutest couple i ever did see.
from what i can guess, this boy is 14, and this girl(?) is 18/19. REALLY. i watched them spoon for 30 minutes on the bleachers in 95 degree heat, and yes she was sweating. Soon after i saw this i also came to the conclusion that i should quit life, based on the fact that she had someone to be with and i, a fairly normal looking person, cannot manage to do the same.

Thing you should know about me #287: i have no shame when it comes to Raptors fans, I just don't.

"You remind me of Snooki from Jersey Shore"

there's no good way to spin this one. Either you're tellin me i'm STUPID, have the BIGGEST cleavage you've ever seen, terrible style, or AWFUL hair. okaythanks

"BOOOO GET OFF THE FIELD"-spectator kindly yelling at me while i do my job.

(Raptors fans are the most intelligent people on the planet.)

"did you steal the cream cheese?"--Mother.

this wasn't a ridiculous accusation, i did in fact, steal the cream cheese.

"Your blog is hilarious"

"your blog is annoying"

"Now i know where all the ice cream goes"- my boss when she sees me eating ice cream.

Yeah Louise, i'll tell you where all your precious mint chocolate chip on top of brownies over the moon in a waffle cone goes, it goes straight to my ass, so try doing a better job of hiding it from now on!

"you can sleep on an air mattress when you come home" - mom.
Not only did i get kicked out of my bedroom and downgraded to a smaller room, i now get to sleep on an air mattress when i come home from usu to visit.

"Dumbass"

"Maybe you'd rent this place out if you wore a bikini to work" -65 year old lawyer.
okay. number 1. being sexually harassed by a lawyer, I'm pretty sure that's called ironic. number 2. that's a terrible suggestion, everybody knows girls don't look attractive when they sit down in bikini's, because even the best bodies (like mine) look like they're 4 and 1/2 months pregnant when sitting.


"Can you drive yet?"

I'm so sick and tired of hearing the debate strangers have over whether or not i look 16. well, do i look like i'm about to go postal on your ass?! Cause that's what's gonna happen if you continue going over every part of my body that makes me look like a prebuscent teen!

"your birthday is coming up!"
yesssssss it is!

"do i get a prize for trying?"- contestant in an on field game.

No, you don't get a prize for trying. This is what is wrong with America. what world are you living in? You want me to congratulate you for failing? this isn't little league, not everybody gets a prize. If i got a damn trophy every time i tried and failed at something people would think i'm a mother f****** champion, and that's not the case. Winners get prizes, losers go back to their seat to finish watching the game.

"can i cheat and come early?"
yes, a man did say this to me. I imagine he had a terrible cul-de-sac hairdo with a combover, beer belly, glasses, and some sort of sock/sandal combination. I'm not going to point out the obvious dirty, filthy interpretation of this phrase. Seriously Sir, no i'm not going to let you "cheat and come early" to any activity I'm involved in. You are obviously an epic failure at doing anything good.

my ultra good, jackie chan, decision making skillz

SOS

hey guys: here's a story about how to be really good at making big time, major, huge decisions:
last September i decided i was going to transfer to the U,
they have this sweet transfer scholarship, where they pay for everything if you have an associates & a 3.8 gpa or higher, so guess what i did?
SMART DECISION 1: just took classes to finish my associates so i could transfer.
i only took 2 math classes and english last year. Oh, but don't worry i still took out loan money to pay for it, that was SMART DECISION NUMBER 2. Quickly after decision 1 happened, i made SMART DECISION NUMBER 3: I applied to a bunch of different schools i wanted to transfer to, these included: Arizona State University (my DREAM school), Cal State Dominguez Hills, and the University of Utah. Through the application process I spent $200 on application fees. SMART DECISION 4: I missed the deadline to officially get my associates, and paid $50 to have the stupid thing printed. If you'd like a timeline, this was all completed sometime around march, then i start applying like crazy for scholarships from USU. SMART DECISION 5: then i decided i was gonna have the time in my life the last few months in logan, and grew awfully attached to my roommates & that tiny town. this made my decision making skills hard, so, just like my dad i made pro/con lists to make my decision.


and left them around the logan house so all my roommates could add/remove to them SMART DECISION 6: i received a scholarship letter in the mail, revealing that i, in fact, did NOT receive (for unknown reasons) the full ride scholarship, but a scholarship that made school the same price as USU, and i accepted, figuring i'd go anyways, I got all hyped up on the idea of going to the U. During all of this, please keep in mind that my $10,000 in student loans is always in the back of my mind. so, at this point in time i'm stoked to go to the U. At this point i was still a little torn, I love the people in logan, but i want to be in SLC so bad i can taste it. I realized i was being a total girl about this, so being the practical girl i am, i put my emotions aside and decide 100% to go to the U.

this decision was great, and when i got sad about leaving logan i just thought about the timeline of fun that goes down over the year in Logan, here's the jist of it:



so, my decision to go to the U was practical, and great, and i was thrilled about the U, then Kenzi Miller tells me the joyous news that she'll be joining me in SLC too!! this was working out better than i could have ever hoped for! I was worried about being the new, weird, tag a long girl who didn't drink, so Kenz coming would be even better! then I looked like this:


So i move home for the summer....and all of a sudden these big decisions catch up with me, then i look like this:

now, i have this huge pit in my stomach trying to make decisions for the next year of my life. as you can tell, my decision making skills....stink.

then something bad happens, a monster starts coming after me.


I'm for sure, still a girl, and despite being practical, i can only keep my emotions out for so long. I'm not a crier, i RARELY cry. besides on these occasions:
1. when the dad dies in Last Song, and then i realize that in reality i can't have Liam Hemsworth.

2. when extremely stressed

not only has all this been compounding for 6 months, my favorite girls are begging me to go back, kenzi bails on SLC, and then i get 2 phonecalls telling me i can't leave logan. I like to call this the straw that broke my mother flippin back.

so on thursday i start crying, come home from work, and my mom says
"why are you even going to the U? Just go where you're gonna be happy"- Mom
oh, it's that easy huh?
"you realize you can still go to the U your senior year, right?"- Mom
oh...yeah true.
"I'm better at making your life decisions than you are"-mom (okay it wasn't said, but still, it was obvious)

so thurrr ya go, after $250 wasted on applying to other schools, and stressing out everyday of my life, Looks like I'll be a Faggie next year:


hi, my name is Caitlin and i love doing things the hard way, take me seriously.

why I hate soccer.

now that the World Cup is over
I can tell you the story of why i friggin hate soccer.

It's not the usual reasons, because it's boring, or because it's not an "american" sport.

It's all because of a traumatizing childhood experience.
i forget about this experience, and at first i actually enjoy watching the world cup


then someone gets hurt

and it reminds me of the terrible thing that happened to me

I'm 7 years old. cute and little.
on a soccer team called the bumblebees.
I love soccer, and I'm at a game,
enjoying my life.
innocently standing on the field.



when out of nowhere an amazon 7 year old who was bred to play soccer comes sprinting at me and launches the ball in my direction

with little time to react to an object flying at my face, i get hit, i get hit hard. square in the face, it stings worse than any pain i've ever felt in my short 7 years.



despite the fact that i get hit in the FACE. nobody stops the mother flippin game.
everyone is still running around, kickin the ball, meanwhile i'm in the backfield checking my face for bleeding and looking on the field for my nose, cause it sure as heck isn't on my face anymore.



that....is why i HATE soccer.

I will let Leo mind rape me.

oh hai.
aight let's be real for a second.
saw inception.
if you haven't seen it, let me review it for you
leo=hot.


I'm not just in the "ohhh leo is so hot right now" phase.
I've loved Leo since his late debut in the hit sitcom "growing pains" on the disney channel.


anyways this is what happens in inception:
stick a needle in your arm, and fall asleep,
okay, number 1. everybody knows crazy shi* happens when you put needles in your arm. Apparently these dudes didn't pay attention in 8th grade health class. Thank you, Mr. Miller for making me watch that crazy drugs movie about the girl who shoots up and thinks she can fly and jumps out da window.
so they "shoot up" and jump ship into other people dreams,
and mind-rape the shiz out of em'.
apparently dreams have "layerz",
so leo & team jump ship in a dudes dream and mind rape him for secrets
(in dreams our subconscious hides secrets in safes, or jails, or someplace like that.)& plant crazy ideas in his head.

WTF.
is this real? can this really happen?
i have some pretty messed up dreams, and i know a lot of really important secrets. Secrets that most of you reading this blog don't want out, and i don't think i would hide the safe very well if ya know what i'm sayyyyin.
based on the fact that I am a. a very heavy sleeper and b. very vulnerable to leo
I'm real worried. i think i'm a prime candidate for mind rape-age.
SOS

but, let's be real, if leo invaded my dreams, I'd let him. & I'd do turrible things to him. I may just trade all of your secrets for sexual favors.
yeah i just thought this whole scenario out at work.
judge me why don't you

wanna see me? this is where you'll find me for the next 6 nights:


how i love lindquist field. such a great job.

ps. down under this here post, you can now share my posts to f-book. just sayyyin.

My Addiction: Rock Bottom.

if you've read my previous shoe post you know that I believe that the type of shoes someone wears can tell you a little bit about the person wearing them.
If you were to see me right now,
my shoes are screaming in a drunken voice that i belong on Jersey Shore.
If i were to give these shoes a name, i'd call them Cookie, or Bambi, or some equally trashy slut name. I feel the sudden need to purchase an Ed Hardy outfit.
FIST PUMP

I used to/still suffer from a severe shoe addiction. The only time I've ever been grounded in high school was when i lied to my parents about my whereabouts and went shoe shopping instead. it's that bad. When i was 16 i stumbled across a sale and made what i like to refer to now as the stupidest decision of my life i found
lime green

snakeskin

pointed toe
heels.

& i purchased them. yeah, i paid real money for those suckers.
anyone who's recovered from an addiction will tell you they had a "breaking point"
well i like to call those shoes rock bottom. I needed help.
ever since that dreadful day these awful shoes have sat in my closet, staring at me.
every. day.
even this guy would say "these shoes SUCK"

those shoes have never seen the light of day, and for good reason.
Despite my hatred for those disgusting things i couldn't throw them away, i look at that as defeat because if i throw them out, it means i couldn't put together an outfit that allowed me to attempt to pull off the lime green monstrosity that seemed to infect my other shoes with ugliness everyday they sat in there.
if you're keeping track of the timeline here, it's been 4 years since i bought these shoes.
and today is the day. i'm wearing them.

yeah, i'm at work. judge me why don't you.
i feel so filthy. i belong on a street corner. Good thing i work in downtown Ogden, so i guess i'm in the right atmosphere.
i almost drew on my eyebrows today to pull off the look of these shoes.
ugh. nastay.
the saddest part of the story, is that i actually feel accomplished about these shoes now that i've worn them. i thought that i may burn them now,

then i realized, wait. i'm bein snooki for halloween.

you can bet the house that i'll be wearin the lime green snakeskin heels.