this post contains profanity. a lot.

things people have been saying to me.

"I'M GOING POTTTTTTTTTTY" --6 year old boy at Raptors screaming at the top of his lungs.

hey, did you guys know that the general admission section of Ogden Raptors is currently producing the classiest people in America? As seen below.



that little bit of a face to the right, is me, smiling because these two are the cutest couple i ever did see.
from what i can guess, this boy is 14, and this girl(?) is 18/19. REALLY. i watched them spoon for 30 minutes on the bleachers in 95 degree heat, and yes she was sweating. Soon after i saw this i also came to the conclusion that i should quit life, based on the fact that she had someone to be with and i, a fairly normal looking person, cannot manage to do the same.

Thing you should know about me #287: i have no shame when it comes to Raptors fans, I just don't.

"You remind me of Snooki from Jersey Shore"

there's no good way to spin this one. Either you're tellin me i'm STUPID, have the BIGGEST cleavage you've ever seen, terrible style, or AWFUL hair. okaythanks

"BOOOO GET OFF THE FIELD"-spectator kindly yelling at me while i do my job.

(Raptors fans are the most intelligent people on the planet.)

"did you steal the cream cheese?"--Mother.

this wasn't a ridiculous accusation, i did in fact, steal the cream cheese.

"Your blog is hilarious"

"your blog is annoying"

"Now i know where all the ice cream goes"- my boss when she sees me eating ice cream.

Yeah Louise, i'll tell you where all your precious mint chocolate chip on top of brownies over the moon in a waffle cone goes, it goes straight to my ass, so try doing a better job of hiding it from now on!

"you can sleep on an air mattress when you come home" - mom.
Not only did i get kicked out of my bedroom and downgraded to a smaller room, i now get to sleep on an air mattress when i come home from usu to visit.

"Dumbass"

"Maybe you'd rent this place out if you wore a bikini to work" -65 year old lawyer.
okay. number 1. being sexually harassed by a lawyer, I'm pretty sure that's called ironic. number 2. that's a terrible suggestion, everybody knows girls don't look attractive when they sit down in bikini's, because even the best bodies (like mine) look like they're 4 and 1/2 months pregnant when sitting.


"Can you drive yet?"

I'm so sick and tired of hearing the debate strangers have over whether or not i look 16. well, do i look like i'm about to go postal on your ass?! Cause that's what's gonna happen if you continue going over every part of my body that makes me look like a prebuscent teen!

"your birthday is coming up!"
yesssssss it is!

"do i get a prize for trying?"- contestant in an on field game.

No, you don't get a prize for trying. This is what is wrong with America. what world are you living in? You want me to congratulate you for failing? this isn't little league, not everybody gets a prize. If i got a damn trophy every time i tried and failed at something people would think i'm a mother f****** champion, and that's not the case. Winners get prizes, losers go back to their seat to finish watching the game.

"can i cheat and come early?"
yes, a man did say this to me. I imagine he had a terrible cul-de-sac hairdo with a combover, beer belly, glasses, and some sort of sock/sandal combination. I'm not going to point out the obvious dirty, filthy interpretation of this phrase. Seriously Sir, no i'm not going to let you "cheat and come early" to any activity I'm involved in. You are obviously an epic failure at doing anything good.