& i have never tasted alcohol.
there's really no reason for this, I have no issues with drinking. My religious beliefs aren't stopping me from drinking. When i get offered alcohol and say "no", people often ask me why I don't drink, i have no idea. At this point I'm gonna wait until I'm 21, just for the challenge I guess. haha, or some shiz about how my brain hasn't finished developing. whatev. haha, but this weekend i realized the REAL, serious, true reason why i will not touch alcohol until the big 2-1.
i realized something terrifying in vegas.
After 4 starbucks runs in 2 days, I noticed an awful pattern in my behavior while driving home...
about 20 minutes after taking the first glorious sip of my Grande Nonfat Extra Coffee Caramel Frappucino with Vanilla (heaven), i lose it.
I suddenly think everything is hilarious, talk too fast for my own good, use filthy language, and if i hear music playing within 500 feet of me, I start dancing, and by dancing i mean grinding the nearest person/object/dashboard of the car as if I'm tryin out to be in 50 cents new music video. I blame this on the fact that stripping is in my genes, (my father used to work/strip at bachelorette parties in his glory days,....seriously) i get some coffee in me & all that stripper-ness needs to escape.
this is why i should never touch alcohol.
I imagine booze will have the same effect on me, times 30.
before ya know it, i'm gonna be post-parent trap lindsey lohan, not wearin panties and fightin hoes in da club.
work it gurrrl
by my estimate after 2 shots i'd be dancing on the table
whippin out the twins
(let's be real, nobody wants the chesticles to make an unwanted appearance)
for everyone's saftety i'll be sober sally until august 13, 2011
and even then i will be holding interviews for the person who will be in charge of watching me all night to make sure i stay alive.
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