No-pants Cat.

I've finally recovered from my last traumatizing event to tell you about it.

That's actually a lie, I'm just the laziest blogger ever.
Can't win em' all.

After a particularly hard day at work I came home, ran to my room, and broke the speed barrier for taking off pants. I realllly did. Naturally I threw on the most giant neon-yellow Raptors hoodie I own and left my pants on the ground and marched my half naked body to the couch. Don't try to tell me there is any greater joy than no-pants after a long day.




I literally am SPREAD out on the couch. No shame here and god bless if you ever have to live with me to see acts like this in real life, because i am always running around less than covered. Whatever...one day I'll need all kinds of spanx contraptions to keep shiz where it's supposed to be so for now I run free.


While I'm staring at the wall in front of the couch envisioning a life where I actually don't get stressed out about work: as seen here:



 I get a text from Kendra that says "I'm on my way over". Now...pay attention to the timeline here & do this deductive math equation.

If Kendra lives in the same apartment complex as I do, and it takes approximately 2 minutes to walk to my door from her door and there is a knock at the door at 2 minutes and 5 seconds, who could be at the door?

While you're working on that brain buster I hear a knock and, knowing it's Kendra I yell "COME IN"....when the door doesn't open I'm just confused that Kendra thinks she gets married and has to knock, so in the most annoying voice I can muster I yell "COME IN". The door finally opens and I don't even look until I hear a voice say "um, hi"

Okay back to the math equation. Here are your possible answers.

Who is at the door?
A. Kendra
B. Relief Society President and supporting cast of relief society members.

If you're under the impression that God doesn't like to joke around with me and have a good laugh now and then you probably chose option A. You are wrong.

I hear "Um...Hi" and immediately realize it is not Kendra, but the RELIEF SOCIETY PRESIDENT and her minion staring at my half-naked, neon raptors hoodie wearing disheveled body from the front door.



This is obviously already an awkward situation for the both of us. She has seen more skin than she would ever choose. She quickly introduces herself, again, although we've met at least 4 times (I'm at the singles ward quite a bit for a non-member) & so we have the same conversation over again about who we are- only this time both my eyes and my upper thighs are making direct eye contact with her.



She then explains the reason for the drop in is to "see how I was doing and drop off an Ensign" she is the nicest human being ever and really just an innocent victim of my awkward life, and here's the kicker, being the kind and caring human she is, she decides that instead of quickly dropping off the magazine on the counter and leaving me to rot in the stench of my embarrassment she is going to sit down and talk me through this clear rock bottom I've hit (i'm ad-libbing here, but I can only imagine this is your train of thought when you think a half naked girl just yells "COME IN" to any joe blow who knocks on the door).



I AM IN SURVIVAL MODE. I AM FULL ON SWEATING.

I have 2 options here:
-option 1 is confront the issue and ask her to stop talking while I take a walk of shame to put on some form of pants, because right now I'm desperately pulling on the hoodie to cover my panties (God Bless Raptors).
-option 2 is to sit here like a helpless newborn calf and fight through the visit.

I was forced to stick with option 2 when she walked around the coffee table and sat so close to me that our upper thighs were touching. If I stand up now, there is gonna be a whole lot more exposure going on than already is. I am more glued to my seat than Rosa Parks. President's friend grabs a barstool and sits 3 feet directly in front of me. I am surrounded. Pantless. Sweating.



We start this awkward banter of me trying to be funny and make them realize i'm not crazy and them not understanding my humor and me trying so hard not to laugh at this situation that my eyes are literally watering. I'm sure 70% of you have witnessed me communicating like this in times of emotional stress.

In the middle of them trying to understand my situation Kendra opens the door and walks in the room to see me sitting with half the relief society presidency, sweating, and pantless.



After 15 minutes of trying to politely end this pantless conversation my new friend from the ward looks at me, touches my bare knee, and says "So....Are you dating anyone?"



I AM HOME ALONE AND PANTLESS, SITTING SPREAD EAGLE IN A GIANT NEON HOODIE AT 6:00 PM. DO I LOOK LIKE SOMEONE WHO IS LOVED.